Homeschool in the Raw…

Some days, I imagine that my homeschool must seem so blissful from the outside glancing in. All the cute images of our assignments and successful moments; posted for our family and friends to see and sometimes, here in this place, for the world to view.

It is probably unfair really because I don’t paint a fully accurate image of what homeschool is like for us. However,  I never want to do that. Rather, I want to have open and honest conversations with other homeschooling Moms doing life and homeschool and every thing in between all over the world. That’s my hope; that this little place of “sanity” and “bless” for me will become a place where women from all around the world come together to have real, open, and honest conversations about life and homeschool. No longer just glancing at each other’s highlighted moments and wishing ours looked similar.

For The Delgado Clan, homeschool is serious business. Sometimes too serious. I understand this. At times, I do very much treat our little “classroom” much like a public school classroom. There is rigorous work involved, in-depth expectations and rules and procedures that are to be strictly adhered to. This works for us. It doesn’t for everyone and we understand that but for us, it is something we do within our family because we want our children to be able to handle rules without breaking them, deadlines without missing them, and tests without panic. But there are also moments of laughter, creative learning done on our couch, or even television allowed on in the background during seat work assignments (this is a HUGELY special treat.)

It is also flexibility. It is the understanding that while I have a whole of expectations and goals in mind, some of them may turn out to be quite unrealistic or not what is best for our children or family. I have to constantly check what I am doing and ask, “Lord is this the best way?” “Father, show me how I can shape this differently. Show me what to do with this Lord.” There are many, many, many, MANY moments in which I am sitting at my desk, hands over my face, tears streaming down my cheeks, uttering the only prayer I can manage, “Lord, help me. I am overwhelmed.” Just those few words release the stress and burdens I sometimes carry as wife, mother, nurse, cook, chauffeur, cook, maid, seamstress, Child of a King, college student and so much more. I have a lot of hats. I wear them almost daily all at once and it is sometimes messy and chaotic, while other times, it is beautiful and orderly. And the truth is, I love it all regardless of which category it falls under that day.

Homeschool is serious business yes but it is also a growing experience. It is a constant learning curve in which I have to reevaluate all that I think and know about learning and teaching as a parent. It is not always pretty but most of the time it is exquisite and extraordinary. Much of the world watches those of us who homeschool and try to place us into these neat little boxes of stereotypes but bless our souls, our homeschool does not fit those stereotypes. Not even a little. And that is probably what I love most about “The Delgado Learning Academy.”

There is learning. There is love. There is faith. There is discipline. There is grace. There are tests and deadlines, work that brings out: “But I don’t LIKE school.” and there are assignments that bring perfect scores. There are moments where it seems too easy and moments when I feel I am about to pull out my hair from repeating the EXACT SAME SENTENCE 25 times in less than 10 seconds. There are lessons that go perfectly and right on schedule and lessons that drag until 2:00 in the afternoon. There is morning school and then sometimes there is afternoon school and every once in a blue moon, there is night school. (I just cringed a bit even as I typed those last two words.)

For the most part, we are extremely routine but sometimes life does not care about my routine or schedule. It throws sickness, stress, emergencies and much more at me 24-7 and yet, homeschool must go on. It is kind of similar to marriage: “In sickness and in health.” because nobody likes those treacherous makeup days. Yes. We make up days. We have sick days and vacation days and holidays but we still want to get in our correct amount of days and we want our children, just because it is our type of homeschool, to still be able to go into the world and feel like they received the same level of education as their public schooled peers.

And the truth is, they will. They will because I am giving them 100% of everything I have just like all the educators I know do. They are getting hours of planned lessons and constant care and love in the process and it’s a beautiful thing. Homeschool in the raw for us means days like today when my son just did not want to do his Writing Test. It wasn’t difficult. It wasn’t even requiring that He have to write something creative, it was a simple matter of sitting at his desk and carefully write three of each of the five vowels. Simple right? Not today. Today, my son “did not even like to write” and he “did not even think school was necessary.” and today, “school is ridiculously hard”. (Palm to forehead. Someone may have gotten their dramatic side from someone I may or may not know.)

So, being completely raw and real with you right now, I gave my son a C. Yep. A 70%. (I secretly wanted to give him a BIG HUGE “F” after all that mess but chose to extend some grace because he did do the work.) Sure, I could have given him an A for effort or a B for at least getting it done but I didn’t. I gave him a C because, well, they weren’t absolutely horrible but He did not give his best effort. He did not even ATTEMPT to try to do them with his best effort. I know he is six and I know that his handwriting is going to be all over the place at this age but I just cannot settle for that lack of effort and let my son think that is okay. It’s not. Not when I KNOW he can at least try to do better.

So today looked a lot like a teacher, calling the parent for a conference when my husband came home. (Yep. We do those too. Every Progress report gets a “parent teacher conference”. I am a little over the top. I know this.) It looked a lot like a sick Momma trying to get  a small boy that has more energy than an entire planet to sit still and take one silly little writing test. It looked a lot like me repeating the same thing over and over during lesson instruction and me refusing to end the day without every single assignment complete. Finally, it looked a whole lot like me taking one huge deep breath of relief when we were done for the day.

Homeschool is a lot of things and it is raw. Every day. It’s not some picturesque scene every moment of the day but those picturesque moments are documented for nothing other than a reminder to myself that for every horrible moment of the homeschool day, there are about 5-10 beautiful moments too. If I focus on that rather than the horrible stuff, I can get up much easier and repeat it all five days a week for 185 school days a year ( at least).

I know I say this a lot but homeschool is different for everyone. Maybe you are like me or maybe you are running away from the type of homeschool I conduct cringing  with every stride. That’s okay. This is real life. This is OUR life. This is homeschool and it doesn’t look exactly the same as anything else; not even my idea of the “perfect classroom”. Most importantly it’s my homeschool and that’s my favorite part.

So today, I am popping in my thousandth cherry cough drop of the day, putting on  my pj’s at 5:00pm and putting the “C” test score away. My son so desperately wants me to let him redo it, to have another chance, and the Momma in me wants to give that to him but the teacher in me remembers that this is a life lesson. The Delgado Clan doesn’t accept half effort. We give our very best at all things just as God commands us and if we don’t, then we get the grade we earned. And as I take that in, I finally get the beauty in education and life. They interweave, one with another. Every moment is education and today was a big day of learning for me. The best part of al: I think I passed.

And you are passing too. Just take a moment to really let yourself see that. Don’t give up. Don’t cut yourself short and don’t cut corners. Stand true to your standards and your values and when it’s harder than hard, just leave the rest to God. If  you do those things every day, homeschool will never be anything but a raving success regardless of grades or work done. It will be a success because you gave it all you had and didn’t give up on your yourself or your family.

So, I will end this day with a very raw image of our homeschool today and an encouraging reminder that it won’t always be like this.

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Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.” -Colossians 3:23-24

In Christ’s Love,

Kristy Delgado

 

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Sick, Sick, and more SICK!

It has been a week since I last was able to write and what a week it has been! The moment my parents arrived, I started struggling with what I assumed was allergies. You know the drill: runny nose, cough, headache just over the eyes. I was miserable but I wanted to put on my best game face and have a wonderful week with my parents. And we did have an oh wonderful week.

However, as the week progressed, so did my symptoms. By this past weekend, I felt like I was dying. I didn’t want to move because movement made me ache. My head was so full of sinus pressure, I didn’t even want to open my eyes. I just wanted to stay in bed and sleep but even sleep was too difficult with the horrid cough that had now invaded my body.

Yesterday, Maximus had back to back appointments. I wanted to cry when I woke up yesterday but Momma’s ain’t got time for all that so I had to wipe my face down and manage to get my son to his dental appointment. Only to have to come home with no dental work done as my poor little guy was absolutely terrified and they decided that it would be best to refer him to a dentist in town who can sedate him if necessary to do his first filling. The first and hopefully the last. He does such a great job with brushing now but flossing those very back teeth is so incredibly hard. *sigh*

Today, I am up. I shouldn’t be. I know this BUT I AM UP. And I am knocking out one task after the other and that makes me feel better even if only mentally. Parenthood, marriage, homeschool, life…they stop for nothing and that’s a beautiful thing because they keep propelling us forward.

And even in moments where sickness makes you feel horrid, it brings moments like your husband sweetly saying, “Man..the whole house is feeling the effects of your sickness. I definitely couldn’t do life without all you do.” (How many extra points does one’s spouse get for something like this? I can’t even fathom.)

The best thing is…I feel the same exact way about him and my children. They are my reason for never giving up and for being the best me that I can be. They remind me of Christ’s love and redemption every day.

I am finding that life, even when hard and trying, is so beautiful if we slow down long enough to take it in. If we listen, if we see, if we just be…our lives have so much beauty that even sickness can’t take away.

I pray you are all blessed and we will meet again soon. Hopefully with me feeling much better!

In Christ’s Love,

Kristy❤

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A Love Worth Celebrating…

Yesterday was my Momma and Daddy’s 40th Wedding Anniversary. Coupled with the excitement of this monumental moment in their lives was the excitement over the fact that they are here with us in Florida for the next week and we would be able to celebrate with them.

My aunts and I planned a little surprise for them: a cake, few small decorations and gifts. It didn’t seem like that much. As a matter of fact, I fretted feeling that perhaps I was  not doing enough with the little cake we had done and the Dollar Tree plates and silverware I had purchased.

As it approached time for me to pick up the cake for the family, I remembered thinking how much I wanted to give my parents for all of the love and support they have showered me with my entire life. Even when most parents would have walked away and said “We’re done!”, my parents stayed the course, loved me endlessly, prayed for me daily and got to see the Lord radically change my heart and mind. For that, I can  never express my gratitude.

They have been my example of what marriage should look like. Never easy but wonderful. Never giving up and walking away but sticking it out through the fights and determining to make it better. It’s what I pray I can have with my sweet husband for all eternity and a legacy that I hope to pass onto my own children and someday…big gulps…grandchildren.

It wasn’t until I went to pick up the cake that the Lord slowly brought into perspective so much more than needing to shower my parents with things that will wither and fade.

As I made my way through the check out line at Publix, the young man bagging up the other items I needed, looked down and inquired, “Whose been  married 40 years?” I instantly beamed with joy and said, “It’s my parents cake. Today is their 40th wedding anniversary.”

I expected an “Oh.” or “That’s nice.” Instead, I was left speechless with, “Wow, you’re really lucky ma’am. That’s rare. I wish I could have been in a family like that. My parents divorced when I was little and it’s been he** my entire life since.”

I didn’t even know what to say. Or what to do. I just looked at his sweet little face, suddenly realizing how very young he was. Taking in the look of grief that can only be understood when you have known it. And I have. But I have known it from the opposite side. I was at one time one of the ones who walked away and left a legacy of brokenness. I suddenly realized, that young man could be my daughters and my heart just ached.

I wanted to hug him but I couldn’t. I wanted to say the perfect things but I didn’t know what those were so instead I said, “I am so sorry. I too have put my children through divorce. It was really hard. I feel saddened for what my children may have felt because of my choices in the past and I imagine your parents  may feel the same way but just do not yet know how to express that. Luckily, I serve a God who gives second chances and I am happily married and He is healing our families one by one. I will pray He does the same for  you.”

There was a special moments shared in the check out line. A moment when two people began to be reminded that all things can be changed for God’s glory. All things can be redeemed and all things can be forgiven.

As I left, I realized finally that the best gift of all would be to make sure my parents knew how much I appreciate the legacy they have begun for us. The best gift I can give my parents is to give my marriage and family to God every day just as they have tried to do my whole life. The best gift I can give my parents is reminding them that their 40th wedding anniversary is an extraordinary example of perseverance, unconditional love, compassion and timeless memories.

And so, I did my best to do just that and I will continue to do so the rest of my days.

What legacies are we creating for our children? What do our marriages, our lives speak to them and how will they someday speak of them to others? These are hard questions to ask but they are so incredibly necessary and it is never too late to ask God to help you change the answers if they are too hard to bear. God can change all things…nothing is too great for Him.

I pray that if you are child of divorce or one who has chosen that path in your own life that tonight you will find forgiveness and peace if you have done so already. I pray that tonight, you embrace God’s grace and mercy and are redeemed.

In Christ’s Love,

Kristy❤

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Dear “Thigh Gap” Trend…

Dear “Thigh Gap” Trend,

Just when did you become an actual trend? When did you become something that our world even knows by name or desires to have? Were you always there, just waiting for us to become obsessed with your so called attractiveness or are you new to the scene? I wish that I could say I had only heard of you in passing but that is not the case. No, I heard you uttered from my sweet daughter’s lips as she examined picture after picture on my social media outlets and then so anxiously declared, “I am losing my “thigh gap” Mom. My legs are starting to look they have wrinkles on them. What do I do?”

I wish I could tell you that I instantly began to tell my daughter how to hold onto you and have you in her world but I couldn’t. I couldn’t utter an actual word because my heart was pounding so loudly in my chest and my eyes were fighting off tears of hurt and anger. She seemed to think she needed you in her life and here I just thought you were a  made up thing. Something that was just overused and not something of such importance to someone so dear to me.

It wasn’t until I walked away and had time to clear my head alone that I began to take in just how much influence you seem to be having in our society. My precious teenager, beautiful and amazing in every way, seems to feel insignificant in your apparent impending absence.

I wish I could say I want you to stay but I don’t. I want to literally rip you from the mouths of every woman, man and child in the world. I want to remove you from every photo caption and fitness magazine. I want to undo you! I want to show the world who you REALLY are: false security, false hope, false, false, false, false. You are a lie. We do not need you. We may want you but you are not the definition of beautiful or healthy. You are merely a fluke; a body type that someone just happens to be born with. You are not significant and you are not important. Your absence is nothing more than something that you have deceived our society into believing is detrimental.

Shame on you.

Shame on you for becoming a reason that girls feel inadequate and unattractive. Shame on you for not being honest. Shame on you for making my daughter feel that she isn’t enough.

I would like to seek justice but then I remember you are a fad; a trend made up by someone in this world. I can’t hold it against you, you are, after all, not even real. You are just something that our world has used to yet again objectify the body of some of God’s most beautiful creations. You are a weapon that is used to cause the next generation of women to feel insecure and ashamed of their bodies. You are a horrible, tragic myth created by someone who has a very distorted idea of beautiful.

So tonight, I will pray that I am able to forgive you and your maker. Tonight, I will pray that other mothers, fathers, brothers, sister, grandparents and other families all over the world will begin to see you for the decieving weapon that you really are. Tonight, I will pray that we can better equip our daughters to know that beauty is not limited to something so juvenile as a “thigh gap” but rather that they remember the oh so powerful words of Psalm 139:14, “I praise you (oh Lord) because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

You may be taking the social media and published media outlets by storm but you cannot take away from us the truth of our beauty in Christ and today, tomorrow and every day after, I will seek to right your wrongs and teach my daughter where her true beauty is found.

Farewell “thigh gap” trend…you won’t be trending here.

Sincerely,

Kristy: A Mom who is on to your lies. <3

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Sometimes It’s Me…

Some days life just comes at me ninety miles an hour and knocks me down. It pulls me under it’s wheels like a semi truck racing down the highway. I can barely hold on and I certainly don’t feel at peace. I feel terrified, hurt and as if my fingers might break from holding on so tightly with all that I have.

And then there are days like today when I realize that all the stress, all the exhaustion is completely self inflicted. Sometimes it’s me causing me all of  my grief. My need for perfection and order among the chaos, my need to try to make sense of things God does not intend for me to, my need to constantly keep trying to do more than I should be doing.

Tonight, my weary eyes glanced up to my computer screen as I busily shuffled my gaze between Daily Guides and my Lesson Plan program and entered each lesson in. I looked at the computer for a moment and focused in what I was actually doing: putting in lesson plans from the beginning of our school year. Three whole weeks before I even had this program and before I could have even needed them to be entered into it. It’s tedious. It’s a bit stressful and I am worrying myself sick trying to get them all in there. Why?

Well, because I have some OCD tendencies. I have this issue of having everything in a complete set. I can’t read a book in a series without reading the entire series. I can’t buy just pieces of a kitchen set. I have to buy all of them. It sounds totally crazy. I so get that but having them incomplete gives me such anxiety.

So tonight as I was creating more work for myself, I just laid my hands over my face and began to pray. I started off asking God to take this stress and as I began to pray, I began to say, “Sometimes Lord…I just…”

“Sometimes…I just want…”

“Sometimes it’s me Father. Like this moment right here. Please help me to just take a deep breath and let go of my need for perfection.”

Sometimes our life is chaotic because of things completely out of our control but then there are days when we create our own chaos simply from a place of trying to meet an expectation that is not required of us at all.

Insecurities, a need for perfection, keeping up with the “joneses”…there are so many things that we inflict upon ourselves that God so desperately wants to release us from.

“Never worry about anything. Instead, in every situation let your petitions be made known to God through prayers and requests, with thanksgiving. Then God’s peace, which goes far beyond anything we can imagine, will guard your hearts and minds in union with the Messiah Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7

My sweet friends, whatever it is that is creating your chaos, ask the Lord to give you clear vision to see and a heart of surrender to release them to Him, one by one. He is waiting to take them and give you rest.

And if you find that sometimes it’s you, take a deep breath, release and bask in God’s grace.

It won’t be easy. I know that. But it can be done and it starts here. It will start with myself. I am going to choose to set aside my lesson plans and my need for completion and let my security in Christ be my comfort and peace tonight.

I pray you are able to do the same. I pray that you rest well and that you can lay it all at His feet.

In Christ’s Love,

Kristy

 

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The Hard Stuff

Some days you just want to get a “check out of reality” card. Those days when it seems there are not enough hands to get done what you must, not enough hours in which to get them done and not enough strength to do them at all. Those days when you feel that you are merely going through the motions of what is required without much awareness of how they are unfolding.

Those days are the hardest. Those are the days I have to remind myself over and over again to just be still.

Being still in the midst of a challenging moment is sometimes so incredibly hard but I am learning to love and understand it’s importance more than ever. I cannot even count on both hands how many times I had to walk away, close  my eyes, take in a deep breath and just listen for God to speak life into my moments today.

And how faithful He was to speak in each and every one.

It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel like we can’t move another step and it’s absolutely okay to feel like nothing is okay. But what do you do when you find yourself in those moments? Do you allow those tears or feelings to take over and rule the rest of your day or do you surrender them to God and keep pushing forward?

So often, we think being  still means doing  nothing but that’s not the case. Being still means being knee deep in tears and feeling the agony of a breaking heart but still being able to reach out to our Father for help. Being still means that we can just simply be in that moment with God and we don’t have to formulate the next step. We can just wait for God to take us there. And He will. Every time.

As I type this, I still feel tired and a bit worn but I also feel so strongly that God is about to carry me through. He is about to give me the rest I need and the peace I long for because that is what He does. It is promised to us in His word and His words never fail.

I have to come believe that life is not measured by the easy stuff when life just falls into place but rather by the  hard stuff; by those things that are meant to tear us apart but instead become stepping stones to victory.

So don’t look back on your day today and feel discouraged by the way you handled the hard stuff. Look back on today and be proud that you faced the hard stuff and you kept on going and stepped into something more beautiful. Find a place where you can just be still with the Lord and let Him refresh your most weary of places.

We are warriors. And we have overcome. And we will do the same thing again tomorrow.

Rest well my dear ones….

Romans 8:26-28  “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.  And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who  have been called according to his purpose.”

Psalm 119:114  “You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word.”

Psalm 46:10  “He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

Matthew 11:28-29  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

Psalm 62:1  “Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him.”

 

In Christ’s Love,

Kristy❤

 

 

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Deep Breath In. Slowly Exhale.

Parenting is journey that I am convinced NO ONE has adequately helped anyone navigate outside of God. I truly cannot imagine parenting or marriage without the saving grace of my Heavenly Father and the wisdoms of His word.

Today was challenging almost from the start. That six-year-old stubborn, whiny, and almost rebellious attitude seemed to greet me the moment my son stepped his adorable little feet into my kitchen.

Suddenly, there was anger over his cereal being too crispy.

SERIOUSLY? Too crispy? How is that even a problem? Cereal is SUPPOSED to be crispy! Am I right?!?!?! Yeah! I AM right! But I digress.

We managed to recover from that fairly quickly, although I am also pretty certain that my son almost faced death when he tried to say his Pledge of Allegiance while laying on the floor. *Palm to forehead.* “Father God, help me not to lose it. Deep breath in. Taking in your grace. Slowly Exhale. Letting it all go.”

This pattern repeated itself multiple times today. There were moments between a very strong willed six-year-old throwing an almost toddler inspired fit in the middle of a restaurant and being escorted swiftly to the bathroom and an emotional teenager who is not feeling well at all in which I was fairly certain I might actually not survive this day with an ounce of sanity left.

There were points at which those tears of an unending feeling of failure seemed to want to gently gather at the corners of my eye and try to escape but I refused to give into them. I didn’t want to appear weak. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to get it right. I wanted to be the best Mom I could in those moments.

I felt tired. I felt exhausted. It was war and I was a casualty today.

While, I dreamed of bubble baths and a quiet place high in the mountains, I worked diligently at my kitchen table hoping to keep pressing forward in my lesson plans and my own classwork. Inwardly, I was fighting back tears and exhaustion. Outwardly, I somehow managed to appear calm and collected. No one even knew that I was one moment away from just crying because I could barely see trying so hard not to cry.

And then it happened. God moved from the most unexpected place.

My busy, exhausted to the point of no return himself husband walked over to me. He glanced down at my stack of curriculum books and lesson plan pages and watched for a moment as I shifted between lesson planning and pausing to read another page of my Crisis Intervention textbook for my own classes. He then ever so gently reached down and kissed me on the forehead and told me He was proud of  me. That I, of all the people in the world, was Superwoman.

Me? Superwoman? HA! He obviously needed a sanity check.

People. I probably don’t even have to tell you what those simple and silly words did to my heart.

It erupted with this peace and calm. I suddenly didn’t have this sense of dread that I had somehow gotten through the war today as a lost soldier. No, I had walked through the wars of today, and I allowed God to guide me through each battle. And in the end, He came swiftly and reminded me that it IS enough to just give the very best we have to give. He takes care of the rest.

Suddenly, I looked back on the fits and the arguments and all the chaos and remembered that where I would have normally come completely undone, I remained calm. I chose to use words that build up when I could have so easily in my anger torn my children down.

I homeschooled two children while managing to still clean the house and run my children to necessary appointments. I got the grocery shopping done and everything put away. I worked on my own school work and lesson plans and still gave my children hugs and kisses and talked them both off more ledges than I can remember in between.

At the end of the day, I came out of the battles a bit tattered and worn but I survived and I won them all. Piece by piece; with the saving grace of a God who never leaves us to face any struggle on our own.

At the end of the day, all was forgiven and forgotten and there was much laughter and silliness and sweet moments that unfolded in these final hours.

At the end of the day, I was a valiant warrior and tomorrow, I will get up just like today. I will pray a little longer. I will pray a little harder. I will put on my armor and go into the  next battle. But I won’t do it alone.

And guess what? Neither will you.

You are not alone my dear friend. The battles of today are tomorrow’s victories and you are valiant. So hold on another day. Don’t give up and don’t be discouraged. The best is still yet to come.

Just take a deep breath in. Breathe in all of God’s love and grace. And slowly exhale. Just let it all go up to a God who loves you more than you can even imagine.

Now rest there for awhile and never forget that you are enough.

In Christ’s Love,

Kristy❤

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