Whew…there sure was a lot of dust in here from my lack of faithfulness to update my page!!!
Okay but seriously, it has been nearly a month since my last update. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
I was hoping you could tell me how that happened.
All jokes aside, the last month has been a bit of a coaster ride for our family. I have felt moments when God’s love and presence was so overwhelming, I almost felt that I hadn’t done enough to deserve it and other moments felt that I was in the lowest place I could possibly reach without it breaking me.
I wish I could say I have handled it with ease and total grace but there were many moments when I threw a fit that would put a two year old to shame. I have found that in this season of change and growing and learning, I am being stretched beyond my limits and challenged beyond my threshold.
I also have found myself more than once telling my Savior that I couldn’t possibly endure one more thing.
But I did.
With His grace and by His love.
So steadfast is He.
While I will not go into details here, I can say that our family in it’s entirety could certainly benefit from some passionate prayers from some of God’s prayer warriors. It is tough being parents and it is tough just living in this world full of constant unexpected moments. It can wear you down in the blink of an eye. Thankfully we serve a God who is steadfast and immovable and who has already given us a way out, even if we cannot see it in the moment.
And even in the lowest places, there was still much goodness. We discovered how strong our family has become and how unified we can be in the midst of crisis. We have learned to lean on one another and communicate in new ways. There has been a beautiful shift in the elements of our family unit. A shift that in time will make significant positive changes for us all. Changes that will in time bring new hope and new joy.
I have begun to see God in a new way. Learning that I must come understand who I truly believe God is in both good and bad, in pain and joy, in disappointment and in victory. I must come to a place of understanding my own faith no matter what the days ahead look like. My hope is to someday be as immovable and loving as my God. I may not achieve that but I think it’s a goal worth chasing. One I hope we can pass onto our children who will then pass it onto theirs.
We do not have to settle for the low places, we can always speak into and hope for the greater places.
As for Homeschool, it has begun a new groove. In realizing how much stress I was putting on myself to become Super Homeschool Mom, I was able to take a step back and see that PreK should be more about helping my son fall in love with learning rather than forcing him to learn things above his level. I stopped trying to have the perfect lessons planned and instead am learning to move in perfect love if at all attainable. I want my son to love reading and science and math. I want him to see our days in our little classroom as adventures and not a task that weighs him down so heavily. I want him to know that I am there to teach him and train him up in life and faith and that I can do it with patience (mostly) and love that is unconditional.
So no lesson plans for the rest of the year. Our Homeschool consists of reading and more reading, alphabet review, learning to recognize our numbers to at least 35 (but maybe we’ll hit 50!) by the end of the semester. My goal is to help him be ready to learn all that awaits him in Kindergarten. As we clean together, play together, read together, cuddle together I learn new incredible things my son has learned all on his own. In the every day movement of our lives. Like last night as I glanced over at his Nabi Jr screen and realized my son knew how to do number value placement. He was able to place a set of numbers in numerical order from least to greatest and greatest to least.
I have not once reviewed this or even touched this but he has watched me do our bills, watched as I would help him learn his numbers and all in his own timing and way picked up a skill I wasn’t even aware of. That’s a beautiful thing. I didn’t have to be the perfect Super Homeschool Mom for my son to learn that. I just had to be me and I had to just let him be him.
What a beautiful thing.
I have even stopped stressing over Curriculum.
God called our family to this journey and God will piece together every detail I need to know along the way and I am more and more excited to start Kindergarten every day. There is no more fear. Just steadfast trust that God has this all lined up for us. I just have to be the willing vessel. I am even going to be teaching one of the COOP classes in the fall. ME. TEACHING. A CLASS.
Oh the things we do that we, at one time, said we would NEVER do.
Life is funny that way isn’t it?
And beautiful. Even through the darkest moments, life is the single most beautiful gift we have next to God’s love.
Tonight I am so thankful for that. Every detail. Even the hard ones.
Blessings and Love,