Parenting is journey that I am convinced NO ONE has adequately helped anyone navigate outside of God. I truly cannot imagine parenting or marriage without the saving grace of my Heavenly Father and the wisdoms of His word.
Today was challenging almost from the start. That six-year-old stubborn, whiny, and almost rebellious attitude seemed to greet me the moment my son stepped his adorable little feet into my kitchen.
Suddenly, there was anger over his cereal being too crispy.
SERIOUSLY? Too crispy? How is that even a problem? Cereal is SUPPOSED to be crispy! Am I right?!?!?! Yeah! I AM right! But I digress.
We managed to recover from that fairly quickly, although I am also pretty certain that my son almost faced death when he tried to say his Pledge of Allegiance while laying on the floor. *Palm to forehead.* “Father God, help me not to lose it. Deep breath in. Taking in your grace. Slowly Exhale. Letting it all go.”
This pattern repeated itself multiple times today. There were moments between a very strong willed six-year-old throwing an almost toddler inspired fit in the middle of a restaurant and being escorted swiftly to the bathroom and an emotional teenager who is not feeling well at all in which I was fairly certain I might actually not survive this day with an ounce of sanity left.
There were points at which those tears of an unending feeling of failure seemed to want to gently gather at the corners of my eye and try to escape but I refused to give into them. I didn’t want to appear weak. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to get it right. I wanted to be the best Mom I could in those moments.
I felt tired. I felt exhausted. It was war and I was a casualty today.
While, I dreamed of bubble baths and a quiet place high in the mountains, I worked diligently at my kitchen table hoping to keep pressing forward in my lesson plans and my own classwork. Inwardly, I was fighting back tears and exhaustion. Outwardly, I somehow managed to appear calm and collected. No one even knew that I was one moment away from just crying because I could barely see trying so hard not to cry.
And then it happened. God moved from the most unexpected place.
My busy, exhausted to the point of no return himself husband walked over to me. He glanced down at my stack of curriculum books and lesson plan pages and watched for a moment as I shifted between lesson planning and pausing to read another page of my Crisis Intervention textbook for my own classes. He then ever so gently reached down and kissed me on the forehead and told me He was proud of me. That I, of all the people in the world, was Superwoman.
Me? Superwoman? HA! He obviously needed a sanity check.
People. I probably don’t even have to tell you what those simple and silly words did to my heart.
It erupted with this peace and calm. I suddenly didn’t have this sense of dread that I had somehow gotten through the war today as a lost soldier. No, I had walked through the wars of today, and I allowed God to guide me through each battle. And in the end, He came swiftly and reminded me that it IS enough to just give the very best we have to give. He takes care of the rest.
Suddenly, I looked back on the fits and the arguments and all the chaos and remembered that where I would have normally come completely undone, I remained calm. I chose to use words that build up when I could have so easily in my anger torn my children down.
I homeschooled two children while managing to still clean the house and run my children to necessary appointments. I got the grocery shopping done and everything put away. I worked on my own school work and lesson plans and still gave my children hugs and kisses and talked them both off more ledges than I can remember in between.
At the end of the day, I came out of the battles a bit tattered and worn but I survived and I won them all. Piece by piece; with the saving grace of a God who never leaves us to face any struggle on our own.
At the end of the day, all was forgiven and forgotten and there was much laughter and silliness and sweet moments that unfolded in these final hours.
At the end of the day, I was a valiant warrior and tomorrow, I will get up just like today. I will pray a little longer. I will pray a little harder. I will put on my armor and go into the next battle. But I won’t do it alone.
And guess what? Neither will you.
You are not alone my dear friend. The battles of today are tomorrow’s victories and you are valiant. So hold on another day. Don’t give up and don’t be discouraged. The best is still yet to come.
Just take a deep breath in. Breathe in all of God’s love and grace. And slowly exhale. Just let it all go up to a God who loves you more than you can even imagine.
Now rest there for awhile and never forget that you are enough.
In Christ’s Love,